Vacillation is part of all our journey’s!
Vacillation is characterized as hesitancy, uncertainty, a fluctuating back & forth. It is not unlike a leaf slowly wavering up & down, back & forth, eventually moving from tree top to ground. It is a journey.
Such it is in the presence of the Lord.
I have seen in my own experience & in the larger corporate sense, this vacillation.
The vacillation point pivots on the awareness of his presence & my own.
We are so afraid of being diminished. What would happen to us if we were lost in him? And this fear only reveals our lack of knowing him, for he never wants to diminish us.
So in the immersion of his presence, suddenly the question arises again, “What about me?” And we vacillate between his presence & the absorption of our presence.
But there comes in the journey of knowing him & being familiar with his presence, a moment in time when the fear of being diminished, the question of the developing identity, “What about me?” finds a place. It is put to rest. It becomes no longer a question, nor even a topic.
The question rests IN HIM. As we become familiar with His presence, we become entwined IN HIM. The wonderings of us, become imbedded IN HIM. In Him is our place, our resting. In Him, the journey of vacillation reaches its destination & no longer do we shift ‘out’ of him, but abide in Him. We rest in the new focus of our adoration, HIM.
New questions, new conversations, new experiences are then had in His presence. Jesus said, “Abide IN ME & I abide IN YOU.” (John 15) There is no danger of being lost IN Him. There is only the wonder, joy & freedom of being more aware of His presence than our own!