Getting through the Emotion of the Global Health Crisis
March 19th, 2020
I walked into the supermarket yesterday. My son was with me. As I grabbed the trolley and wiped it down, we took off for what once used to be a no brainer exercise.
As we ventured into the store, my spirit lifted to see shelves stocked with bread and fresh food. Curiously and a little excitedly, I moved through the supermarket grabbing the items I needed. And then..
My son suddenly grabbed my arm and said in a tone of amazement, “Mum look at the meat section!” I glanced across to see the entire meat section empty.
Looking at me, he said curiously “Really?” Gazing into eyes innocent of pandemics but filled with excitement at the adventure and confusion over the vulnerability of the present, I reached out and touched his arm, responding gently, “Yes. It’s been like that this past week.”
We walked on and turned into an isle and a view that now has become a ‘normal’ sight, empty.
I left the supermarket that afternoon, realizing the emotional impact that these past weeks have already had on us all. I realised how comforting it was for one small moment to walk in and see shelves full with provision and possibilities. And I realized how draining and even scary it had become to see the opposite.
Just putting food on the table was now a major project.
This is the other impact of the conoravirus. It is the impact of emotion.
What will we do with this impact? We can’t dodge it. We can’t stop the impact. It will literally kill us if we numb or deny our emotions.
To feel is to be human. To feel is to be created in the image of God.
I know personally, that right now I can not walk through this moment in history that has suddenlied upon us all, without acknowledging and understanding what on earth, I am feeling.
If I do not acknowledge what I am feeling, what others around me are feeling, I will find that my core values, my awareness of God’s presence and clear thinking won’t lead me, emotion will.
Emotions are valuable servants but lousy leaders.
What’s going to lead you in the flour isle? That’s a potentially scary place right now because it confronts us with the question, what are we going to feed our children? We feel that keenly as Mums and Dads. That is a literal threat to our survival.
No matter what our occupation, emotion is part of it, especially right now. Loss, scarcity, fear of disease are big emotions in this crisis. How can they serve us? So much of life is an emotional conversation.
God is not afraid of emotion and he is not afraid of our emotion. He made them and they serve us. They are great servants but lousy masters.
So How Do We Handle Emotion in this Emotional Moment?
Acknowledge what you are feeling? Fear, Anxiety, Shame and Grief are big emotions right now for us all.
Share what you are feeling with God. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” Sit down and list out what it is that you are feeling. You can do this verbally, in drawing, in words.
Then put them down on the floor in front of you and ask God, “What do you say about all this?” Listen! Write down, draw out and when done share with someone what He said. Be a voice of hope.
Share what you are feeling with some one who has earned to right to hear your story. Part of emotional intelligence is not only being aware of what you are feeling, but what others around you are feeling. Decide: * Is this the best moment for them to hear me? *Ask them if they have a moment for you to share. Don’t just unload because they walked in the room.
Reach out to your friends and check in with how they are going? The emotions of fear, anxiety, shame and grief by nature make us aware of ourselves. Reaching out helps you move through emotion and activates you into caring for others.
Talk a walk. Even if you’re in social isolation, it has still been recommended to take short walks. It clears your mind and heart and connects you with the wider world and God’s creation.
We are human and we its ok to feel that! God loves our authenticity and our humanness.
We are in this together!
Want more?
Students who are in the isolation phase of this Health Crisis are sharing how relieved and hopeful they are, as they are learning how to cope better emotionally through self-isolation and the tragedy around them.
2020 has been a very challenging year for Australia as a community. Bushfires raging over the country for weeks, then floods and now conoravirus. And all in a very short period of time.
These are uncontrollable externals which challenge our sense of feeling safe. To feel safe is a primary need God built in us. It is to be human.
I was considering this morning, how Australians are confronted again with feeling vulnerable and even afraid.
Easily to get drawn into the lie that vulnerability is weakness and even shameful.
These words came to my spirit, “When Jesus saw the vast crowds of people, His heart was deeply moved with compassion, because they seemed weary and helpless..” Matthew 9:36
When we see the crowds, our fellow country men, doing not typical things like cleaning out shelves in shops, let our heart be moved with compassion. For surely it will be moved by something.
Compassion is the greatest gift we can give to each other and to our country. Judgement and shaming are not our friends.
People are responding from a context that has been burly this year.
Our nation is resilient and kind. It has a beauty so unique. God is doing an unusual new thing in our nation. These are exciting days. God’s presence inhabits our compassion and our praises.
SO WHAT DOES COMPASSION LOOK LIKE?
1. When you see what you see, let it move your heart. Don’t numb it. Don’t rationalise it. Don’t be afraid of your heart being moved. Lean into it. It’s the birth place of compassion.
2. Ask God how does He see what you’re seeing?
3. Practice Generosity – Generosity is considering what is the most generous interpretation of another’s actions, words and intentions. In other words, it’s choosing to believe that people are doing to best they can.
4. Practice Empathy instead of Judgement. Empathy is hearing the perspective and emotion of others without judging it.
5. Take responsibility for the energy you bring into any space, including the social media space.
God bless you as you navigate this yourselves. We are in it with you! The glory of God is upon Australia! Great is His compassion over you and with our nation.
How to Deal with Anxiety and Help our Children Deal with it
February 26th, 2020
Anxiety. Everyone is talking about it. That’s great!
What we acknowledge, we can do something about.
2020 sure has come out with some heavy weight challenges! Fires, floods, coronavirus, talk of global economy heading for a sudden halt.
Volatility, uncertainty and complexity have found us. So has anxiety for many.
Anxiety is an emotion and an experience. Anxiety is defined as:
uncertainty
Overwhelming fear
Competing demands on our time
and social discomfort1.
That definition believe it or not, is a normal response to life!
It is human to feel anxiety.
In fact anxiety is so much a part of our human experience that the Bible addresses it directly, so can we especially with our children.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6 NLT
Why is Anxiety being talked about?
I believe that part of our rumble with culture right now is giving space to and being compassionate towards our humanity.
Many are challenging current culture in its need to rehumanise. The dehumanising we see on social media and in daily interaction is unsustainable.
Jesus was and remains fully human yet fully God, such is the esteem God gives to human. (Phil 2:6-11)
The rumble we are all facing is with a culture that seemingly is unrelenting in it’s “be perfect” doctrine.
We were at the Dentist the other day (that’s always a fun experience!!? ? ) The Dentist made a comment in passing to me. He said that he is having more and more 10 year olds coming in asking for braces when there is little wrong with their teeth because they want perfect teeth and they want to be like everyone else!
Anxiety and perfect don’t go together says a culture that become problem focused and blame orientated rather than possibly focused.
NeuroScientist Dr Caroline Leaf has been challenging the notion that anxiety is mental illness. Her research and the research of other Social Scientists shows that anxiety is part of the human experience and normal human response.
The ‘proselytizing’ of perfectionism as a way to do life it being questioned.
When we loose touch with human and make “perfect” our goal, anxiety and scarcity rise.
So how do we navigate anxiety and help our children?
Philippians 4:6 says “Do not worry or be anxious!‘ How do we do the “do not?” That’s really hard sometimes!
1. Realizing that you are feeling or experiencing anxiety is liberating
When we feel it and our children feel it, take note and get them to take note of how anxiety feels for them.
The thing about emotions is that we experience emotion uniquely. For some anxiety might be felt as a quickening of heart beat, for others they might feel a churn in their stomach. How we feel emotion is unique to us and that emotion will be felt on our body.
2. Lean into the emotion of anxiety don’t shut it down or numb it
Don’t be afraid of emotion. God isn’t afraid of emotion and he’s not afraid of you feeling emotion! Emotions are not sinful.
Graeme Cooke says he sees the fruit of the spirit as the emotions of God!
Philippians 4:6 advises “instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need.” You have to lean into anxiety to pray about it. Teach your children to pray and pray with them.
3. Anxiety as with all emotions, is communicating a need
Philippians 4:6 acknowledges this when it says, “Tell God what you need”. Ask yourself, “I am feeling anxious about… , I need…”
You are a son/ daughter of God. You have value. Emotions tell us what we need as a valuable person.
You’re needs matter as do your children’s. Sometimes all our children need is our full attention, or a hug, or play a game with them, or take them out for a special meal, or to turn off negativity on the internet or TV. Let them share their needs with you.
Ask them to ask Jesus what does He want to give them now to meet their needs.
4. When we pray about what is making us anxious, we begin to shift our focus
Social scientists have classified emotions in order to help us understand them. Anxiety is an emotion that they call a ‘self conscious affect’, meaning this emotion makes you aware of yourself, conscious of you.
Yes because it is communicating a need you have!
When we pray, we begin to shift our focus from ourselves to one who has a solution, a answer, a direction. We are not always around for our children but Jesus the Omnipresent one is! When we teach them to pray about their ‘worries’ to Jesus, they are defeating the lies that they are alone, orphaned, abandoned, helpless, powerless.
Prayer shifts us from fear back to love!Every thought will either come from fear or love! When I am anxious, I have bought into something that’s inferior.
5. “.. and thank him for all he has done”
Thankfulness is one of the greatest, most powerful skills you can cultivate. Thankfulness is a container for our prayer and worship, meaning it is a way to pray! We deserpately need to teach ourselves and our children to be thankful!
If you focused on just this one key, you would be astounded at the impact and power of thankfulness over anxiety and any other atmosphere.
Thankfulness shifts us from problem focused to possibility focused. It shifts us from focus of self to focus of power, possibilities and answers beyond ourselves.
Thankfulness keeps us conscious of blessing and stops us being overwhelmed with need and lack.
Thankfulness is humility. It acknowledges that someone else had something and gave something we did not have.
Thankfulness attracts the presence of God and the favor of man (Psalm 22:3), and thankfulness reframes our anxious thoughts towards hope.
Thankfulness is practical. Have a thankfulness journal or note on your iPhone. Make it a family practice at dinner time to share 2 things each family member is thankful for.
6. Memorise Scripture
Make a fun family game of memorising Philippians 4:6!
The power of this ‘living word’ to come back to our minds and our children’s just when we need it. Memorising the Bible develops a possibilities focus and builds the skill of hope and faith in something bigger than themselves.
So next time you feel anxiety, comfort and compliment yourself on being human. Be kind to yourself. When you are kind to yourself, kindness to others is more possible. Shaming yourself only begets shame.
Acknowledge and say you’re feeling anxious. No shame in that, infact that’s what courage looks like. When you invite your children to share that they are feeling anxious, you are building courage and connection in them.
Pray and choose thankfulness. It will change your family and your anxiety!
“The universe is not short on wake up calls. We are just quick on hitting the snooze button.” 1.
And then what?
I was visiting a relative last week and they shared how they had been out walking. A neighbours 9yr old son was playing out front of his house on the footpath where they were walking.
Suddenly the 9 yr boy ran into them with his bike. Then he did it again. My relative asked him not to do that as it was hurting them. He did it again.
Looking up and appealing to the mother who sat looking at her phone, the mother responsed in dispair, “I just don’t know what to do with him. All the rest of his brothers and sisters I could parent but not this one.”
We all know that feeling of being utterly lost and the powerless feeling of not know where to get help. The universe is definitely not short on wake up calls and appealing to our need for upgrades!
So what is calling on you this year? God has answers, and that’s our power, we are NOT ALONE!!! There is more available to us that just ourselves.
The message of humanism shouts it’s just you and what you know!
But we are sons and daughters of God who have 24/7 access to an eternal and supernatural God. Where we end, He continues!
So don’t hit the snooze button when the universe calls. Connect with His Presence.
Do it in your time, your way. You can do in one evening or over a few weeks. You make it fit your lifestyle. Check it out at All4Him.Thinkific.com
B. Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, Hazelden Publishing, 2010
Heart Revolution – What will the future of our jobs look like?
November 13th, 2019
15years ago at a YWAM Leaders Training in the UK, one of the Trainers invited us to read through the Bible and draw a heart next to the word heart, every time we read it.
Well 15 yrs on, I’m still drawing hearts as I read through the bible.
I am not alone. There is a movement, an awakening of the heart that is taking place globally.
When I read these words recently from Minouche Shafik of the London School of Economics, I was excited and amazed. This is from the London School of Economics!!
“In the past, jobs were about muscles, now they’re about brains but in the future they’ll be about heart.”
Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Your heart thinks! It has thoughts and stories.
Whether it is some of the great Christian leaders of our time like Henri Neuwon, Danny Silk, Bill Johnson or the late Jan Vanier, or influential Social Scientists like Brene Brown or NeuroSurgeons like Dr Caroline Leaf, the world is beginning to address what the Bible has for thousands of years talked about, the heart.
Infact the leading field of research in Psychology currently is Heart Math.
There is an awakening of the inner journey not just the outer journey of our lives that is gaining considerable momentum in the western world.
God has always loved and valued the heart over and above the external. He doesn’t trip up on our appearance or behaviours.
“For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7
It’s actually our heart journey that God values the most and more and more leaders from all sectors of life are looking for this in their choices for working with people.
A lot of what is blowing up businesses, communities, churches and individual lives, has more to about our heart intelligence than perhaps anything else.
This is why God is committed to giving us a new heart. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel? ?36:26?
What we feel, what we think, how we perceive through our heart and the choices of actions we make from them, God cares about. Especially about how we feel, think and perceive Him.
It’s a heart journey God takes us on. A journey where honor not shame, flavours all He does with us.
This is a revolution.
Want more?
Read more on the Heart Revolution.. Check out my article, Culture Shift – What world are you Living in?
Consider checkout our video e-Course Living Courage – How to Live the Power of Vulnerability at All4Him.Thinkific.com
Using Your Authority in words
November 7th, 2019
“.. The garment of praise instead of a disheartened spirit. So they will be called the trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” ISAIAH? ?61:3?
Sometimes you just have to turn up your favourite worship song, dance and sing it to God, to shift a-not-fun-to-be-with atmosphere!
It’s not about what others think, it’s about you taking your authority that comes through your words and putting it to what God says.
Don’t let the enemy use your authority in your words, to what He’s filling the atmosphere with.
A garment of praise applies to praising God and to those around you. Use your words to encourage.
Authenticity is not just being real with what’s tough, to those who’ve earned the right to hear your story, it’s being real with what goodness is around you too.
Intercession is Boundaries
November 1st, 2019
Our journey is not merely travelled on a human level, it is also travelled on a spiritual level. Boundaries are needed here also.
This is the power of prayer. It gives us a way in relationship and partnership with God to declare what is ok and not ok (boundaries) in the spirit realm.
Jesus spoke of this when he said “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”Matthew? ?18:18? ?
Build boundaries in prayer!
Be Boundried But Kind
November 1st, 2019
Funny how our boundaries are rarely celebrated. Gosh they can be hard, sometimes a messy work. I’m not a specialist on them, just a ever learning traveller like most of us!
The thing about boundaries is that we can experience push back, punishment, shaming and even that 2nd most avoided emotion we dread, grief.
I’ve been pondering lately how why it is common and somewhat “ok” in our society, to punish and shame when boundaries especially new boundaries are communicated. It confronts our entitlement and our other dysfunctions.
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries define us. They rumble with our identity, whether that is our individual identity, our organisational identity or national identity.
They are vulnerable because it shows what is really important to us. They reveal what we care about in our heart, and what we value.
When respect is low and shame and fear is high, the more it seems is the pushback, punishment and shaming.
We all loose when we loose sight of the worth of the one before us, regardless of their position, history or values.
This was the thing about Jesus. He never lost sight of our worth nor his! Even when hell’s pushback claimed his life!
His boundaries around what His Father asked of him and what He loved and valued, were unmoved.
He showed us it takes courage to show up. But that is the kindest thing we can do to ourselves and to others.
In a recent study, it was discovered that the most compassionate people, were the most boundried.
We are actually not being compassionate or loving, when we are not boundried. This is true with our children as much as it is true in our workplace.
So how are we going to receive the showing up of others boundaries? Can we respect their choices (even when we disagree) or will we shame, manipulate and punish them?
I can’t help but wonder if Isaiah in Isaiah 60:1 wasn’t appealing to our boundaries when he inspired us to “Arise and shine!”
Will we show up, rise, shine and be kind by communicating respectfully to others what we really value and what’s important to us (boundaries)? • Feeling a bit stuck or under pressure with boundaries? Learn how to show up by doing our video based e-Course – How to live the Power of Vulnerability. Enrol here All4Him.Thinkific.com
How to Win Your Life – Higher Thinking
October 2nd, 2019
God thinks glorious thoughts about you continuously!
Just stop and let that sink in. Lean into that thought!
God thinks glorious thoughts about you continuously!
God is good. This is His nature. He cannot move outside of His nature. So it’s gloriously good thoughts he is CONTINUALLY thinking about you!
Psalm 139:6 says about God, “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high”
He thinks high. And He thinks highly of you.
Doesn’t that make you feel good? You may even find yourself sitting up a bit straighter as you lean into that thought right now.
But if after a minute there comes a little nagging thought of “Who do you think you are to beleive this?”, that’s shame!
This is what the emotion of shames says. It also says, “I’m bad. I’m not enough.” This is why being shamed and shaming others hurts us so much. It makes us feel low.
And when this is multiplied on a community level, organisational level, church level or family level, that is a powerful and crippling narrative that will destroy these cultures if not addressed.
Such I beleive is the moment in time we are living in. Shame culture has found us.
There is a big difference between who we are and what we do. God never confuses our identity with our choices and actions.
He’s very jealous over how we think and what level our thinking is. His thinking is high. It’s going to stretch us.
Thinking on the glorious thoughts God has of us is not a proud and arrogant thing to do. It is actually one of the pieces of armour God gives us to survive life, it is our belt of truth. (Eph 6:14)
God’s higher thinking actually requires of us humility, learners heart and the very powerful way of freedom, forgiveness.
We are human. He knows we are but dust (Ecc 3:20 ) and He doesn’t shame us for that. Neither can we of ourselves or others!
There is no more powerful way of moving through both shame and life, than dwelling on the fact that God thinks glorious thoughts about you!
Get practical and ask Him right now, “God would you share with me, what is one of your glorious thoughts you are having about me today?”
What do you think about you? About others?
It matters.
WANT MORE on how to live more aware of His glorious thoughts about you and break out of shame culture?
Check out our Video e-Course – Building Powerful Shame and Honor Resilience at All4Him.Thinkific.com.
Boundaries, Vulnerability and Hate – The rumble with identity
September 11th, 2019
Funny how our boundaries are rarely celebrated. Gosh they can be hard, sometimes messy work. I’m not a specialist on them, just a traveller who loves learning!
The thing about boundaries is that we can experience push back, consequence and even that 2nd most avoided emotion we all dread, grief.
Growth is a costly business. Doesn’t matter what is the nature of growth. It costs. Anyone is business knows that!
I’ve been pondering lately how in society it is common and somewhat “ok” to punish and shame when boundaries especially new boundaries are communicated. It confronts our entitlement and some other dysfunctions.
When the love level in us is low, the Bible says we reach for punishment. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, so the one who is afraid is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love].”
Many social scientists, civil authorities and Christian leaders have been growing more noisy in their concern around the wave of hatred crashing across the nation’s. Many saying it has increased alarmingly the last 12months.
It’s a fearful thing to be around hate. Hate drains out love.Punishment is a management tool and it has an array of overt and subtle options from rolling the eyes to outright displays of harm.
So what’s the blessing for a new boundary? It reveals our need for an upgrade in God’s love!
Boundaries can define us. They are vulnerable because it shows what is really important to us. They reveal what we care about in our heart, and what we value.
It takes courage to show up. But that is the kindest thing we can do. Clear is kind says Brene Brown.
Being clear with our boundaries, is where I see some of our greatest challenges and growth points are currently in the Western World. And I wonder how much of that is because really we are in one huge rumble with identity?
Our boundaries are not walls we hit people with but a statement of what’s ok and what’s not around what we treasure, what we identify with.
I have just completed uploading a training series online around living courageously. It’s ok for people to show the work to their family, colleagues, connect groups. But it’s not ok to not pay for it or take my name and website off it.
This is a boundary. They are more than what’s not ok, they are a communication of what’s ok too! Boundaries keep value on us and on what we are doing. That’s our responsibility.
But it’s vulnerable to do that. And here is a lesson I keep learning over and over, vulnerability and learning how to do that, walk with that is so much of the story of our lives!
So next time you see your teenager, spouse or work colleague trying to practice boundaries, celebrate their courage and get curious about who they are trying to define themselves as.
Let’s be honest with our need for more of God’s love and turn the tide of hate. It’s not who we really are. It’s not what we want in the world we are building for our children.
WANT MORE? Check out our short course How to Live the Power of Vulnerability e-Course at All4Him.Thinkific.com
Over the years I have struggled with scarcity. Its a rotten mindset. Scarcity says “not enough”. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough happening, not enough house, not enough holidays, NOT ENOUGH!! We can “not enough” God, our faith communities, our leaders, our children’s opportunities and schools, our spouse’s input in the home or marriage. We can ‘not enough’ anything. And we do.
About 10 years ago I experienced something that began to kill this plague of scarcity. It was a culture of honor. I encountered the God who honors us because He never looses sight of who we really are. I experienced honor for what was, for who I was, for who and what others were and it joyfully shook me to my foundations.
In the most pleasant good way, the Lord began to show me errors in my thinking and therefore way of living. He was readdressing the truth that HE is a GOOD shepherd and I shall NOT LACK! (Ps 23:1) Lack! what a cursed mindset! It cripples our faith in God, our courage and our relationships. Yet we are discipled so well in this by the consume and produce to justify our worth world we live in.
Not enough began to be dismantled in me though honor. As an Australian this is such a nothing word. It holds no meaning, no usage in our everyday life. If anything, its all a bit of a joke really. Honor! Hah! We scoff at it while knowing no experience or understanding of it.
And yet I was drawn by this honor I was experiencing and stirred by Biblical instructions like “Honor ALL people.” (1 Peter 2:17) All people! What?!!! Isn’t Honor something you earn?
But I didn’t earn my honor. My self-righteousness was getting a loving kick in the teeth. It was HIS honorable way with me, that realized my value, my worth. And we all have some measure of that.
Perfection, pride, rejection, shame, religious spirit was under the hammer, and thank God! Experiencing honor as one who has value, not because of my productivity or association or success, confronted that scarcity mindset.
Honor taught me to celebrate what was, not stumble as scarcity leads us to, over what is not. Honor Taught me that I am honorable and it has nothing to do with what others do or not, it has to do with me. Honor taught me gratitude and the power of gratefulness in the endless little things.
Not buying into Scarcity is still a journey I’m on. But boy life is way more fun and I am way more fun to be with as a result of this journey away from the desert lands of ‘not enough.”
WANT MOREon how to breakout of this mindset and lifestyle?
Our words are powerful! Our words not only release insight, information, definition and identity but ‘grace’.
This is true for good or for bad. Tell someone they are an idiot and it releases a ‘grace’ for that.
Tell someone they are beautiful (which is to edify), and it imparts a grace to be that!
Because the word ‘charis’ used here for grace, means ‘influence on the heart’.
Our words impart an ‘influence’ on the hearts of others.
Words of prophecy, of encouragement, speak what heaven sees and with them a grace to be them.
Our words in prayer and intercession stir up and partner with heaven’s culture to move on earth. Heavens heart is influenced and imparted with grace as we pray!
God spoke into creation everything that surrounds you as you read these words. There was a grace for what was spoken to become.
Jesus, called the ‘Word’ that became flesh in John 1. Our words become substance, flesh as it were as did His.
Our words engage the natural realm and the supernatural, the spirit realm. John 4 says, “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John? ?4:23-24? ?
What grace do you want to release today? It will be through your words. • “And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.” Ephesians? ?4:29
Sometimes to turn a nation we have to rebuild an altar to God.
1 Kings 18 records a defining moment in the history of Israel. This moment was not just about a family, a community, a organisation being turned, but an entire nation!
What turned it? A person rebuilding of an altar to God. This was the great powwow between Elijah and the Prophets of Baal.
Both built altars. Only one saw the presence of God fall on it.
Altars are places that house anything you consult with before acting. Anything you check in with to get your identity, your values, your direction, your power from.
It has always been about altars, because our entire physiology was wired for worship. In that space, we draw meaning of life and for life. We are meaning making machines.
Turning a nation, turning the narrative of what gives us meaning, is found at the altar of what we worship.
In fact, future generations are depending upon us to come face to face right now with what we worship.
How can we create a space for worship to God? What does building an altar look like? Is it really that big a deal for my nation?
These are key questions that over the years I have wrestled with.
Many years ago, when I first started to create a space for God in my life, I would wrestle, toss, think about all kinds of things, get up, sit down, walk around. Wrestless.
Had no idea of what I was waiting for or doing. All I knew was that I had been pulled. Pulled to a space, a time and to Him.
I had no idea what that meant or would mean now nearly 20 years on.
So I learned to ask. I learned to ask what he wanted, what he saw, what he was thinking about, what was on his heart. I began the learning of connection, of worship, of building an altar to him in presence of other altars.
And I’m still learning today
During one of these such times, he took me to Isa 40:31. “Those that wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength. They will raise on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
My eyes fell to the word, wait. What an uncool word for one who loves immediacy, action, adventure and decision making!
Wait!
I hate waiting. I hate waiting in Doctors waiting room. I hate waiting for the light to change on the road. Loathed it as a kid! Still mostly do.
But now, the word “wait” was beaming at me.
“Wait on the Lord.”
Hmm. Those words, but what on earth does that look like??
I flipped to the Hebrew Dictionary for this verse. “Wait” is the word qavah, And then my jaw dropped.
Means to “bind together by twisting.” Yep that’s exactly how it felt. Loads of twisting.. tossing.. moving around…
And this began my journey of building a space, a worship to God. It was a tossing, turning, twisting thing. It was tangible. It was physical. His presence when it encountered me, caused a physical response of qavah!
We experience that all the time as we get build connection with friends and community. We sit in conversation and experience a twisting, turning, dancing as it where of subjects, nuances, themes. As words are exchanged, hearts are moving, twisting together
or not.
And this is the rhythm of relationship, of connecting, of building a space where I worship.
And this is the turning. The turning of an individual heart, a family, a nation. It begins at the altar.
Philip arrived ecstatically excited. Before he could talk about anything else, he burst out with the news of all news.
The news he had waited for his entire life. Infact the news his community and nation had waited for, for over 400 years.
He met his friend Nathanael with the sensational announcement, “We have found him… Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph!” (John 1:45)
Nathanael met Philip’s uncontained excitement with, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”
What a wet blanket moment. Ever had one of those moments?
Super excited at an idea for your business, the results of a test, a life changing revelation just had as you encountered God, a brilliant discovery in the hardware shop to solve a problem you’d been working on for a week…
and it’s met with indifference, rejection, or even argument.
We’ve all had them and dare I say, all responded like this too. They provoke all kinds of emotions in us from shame to defensiveness to curiosity.
What do we do when we are shamed or mocked about something we’re excited about, convinced of and believe in?
We live in a culture that has changed. It’s a culture that most social scientists would agree is now a shamed based culture. Meaning that the behaviours and belief that people are living and wrestling with are around shame.
Shame is anything that says we are less than, that we are not … enough in.” Shame is an emotion and experience that re identifies us. It rumbles with our identity.
Philip’s response gives us a key, a way home through such moments.
He replied, “Come and see.” (John 1:46) What!!! What kind of response is that? What about being right and putting Nathanael in his place?!!
Philip chose to not stumble over Nathanael’s response. He chose not to be offended or shame Nathanael.
Instead Philip chose curiosity.
Curiosity is powerful! It invites us away from what we think or believe may be going on, into a space to learn more.
Curiosity is about connection and choosing connection over and above opinion.
This is also the power of honor. Philip honored Nathanael’s position and journey. He could see the person above the behaviour.
When Nathanael did encounter Jesus, Jesus continued his encounter with honour. He called out the gold in him, “an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit.” (John 1:47)
No shame can stand when honor comes.
Jesus saw the person, and spoke to Nathanael’s identity. It changed the game, changed the narrative and changed Nathanael’s destiny.
Next time try curiosity. Try honouring the person above the behaviour. Gosh it can be hard but we can do hard things! This is really Living Courage!
How to break out of discouraging, negative atmospheres
May 24th, 2019
Discouragement, negativity and slander has been around and very present in the atmosphere these past few weeks.
The devil has no problem slandering us and God! He loves to yank on lies like you are not important after all who do you think you are, what you are doing with God is not important.
Disrespect has always been a key signature of his ways.
Earlier this week I was getting annoyed with this stinky atmosphere. It is an atmosphere that does not reflect heaven’s.
So I sat down with Father God and asked him for the key to shut this up.
He immediately took me to Nehemiah. “When Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem the Arab, and the rest of our enemies heard that I had rebuilt the wall and that there were no more breaks in it—even though I hadn’t yet installed the gates—Sanballat and Geshem sent this message: “Come and meet with us at Kephirim in the valley of Ono.” I knew they were scheming to hurt me so I sent messengers back with this: “I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?” Nehemiah? ?6:2-3? ?MSG??
When the enemy talks to us he definitely wants to draw us into the valley of O No!! O no valley is a negative, foreboding place.
Negativity shuts down heaven and God’s truth!
I love Nehemiah response! It was sassy and full of authority. “I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?”
His knew his authority and used it to stay in truth and hold value on God, himself and the work God has given to him to steward.
Discouragement, negativity and slander targets our authority. It will always ask us to come down. Come down in our thinking, our honor, our behaviours, our choices.
Remember your authority. God always asks us to come up, lift our eyes up, keep our eyes on Jesus.
We sit as CO-HEIRs with Jesus Christ whose name every knee will bow, who is the mighty glorious powerful son of the Most High God.
Our position is high, it’s next to Jesus!
Hebrews? ?10:35 says? “Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.”
Nehemiah was rebuilding the wall to stop the enemies coming into Jerusalem. For too long they had torn Jerusalem apart.
Nehemiah was building a new normal! We are on the same mission!
Use your authority and reply to the Devil’s slander, discouragement, and negativity, “I’m doing a great work; I can’t come down. Why should the work come to a standstill just so I can come down to see you?”
God bless you with the sassy authorative anointing of Nehemiah!
We have all been there. Someone says something or shares something and it surprises us. We didn’t quite expect that level of vulnerability. It’s especially surprising when it comes from a leader, a boss or someone we have pedestalled.
What happens next is what this moment in history is all about right now.
How do we respond to vulnerability? How do we respond when a work colleague, a spouse, a friend offer a level of vulnerability that catches us off guard?
Our response in such moments reveals our level of understanding about connection and relationship. These moments are not to shame us, but to grow our value for connection.
I believe that the greater conversation is not about the vulnerability that was offered by another but do we see an opportunity to own our capacity to cope with that vulnerability and love unconditionally, especially if we demand it from our leaders?
WHAT VULNERABILITY IS NOT..
You see what we believe around vulnerability shows up in such moments. Most often these experiences confronted us with the biggest myth out there, that vulnerability is weakness.
We see the struggle in another.Vulnerability might offer to us human imperfection and weakness in another.We might see fault or failure in another.And then what?
The ‘pattern’ of our world is this, expose and shame. Sadly a lot of parenting is this. Ironically research shows that parenting is a common shame experience we all share. When we are submerged in a culture of shame it is so easy to get on us.
Never confuse shame for justice or accountability.Shame never drives positive behaviours or change. What it does drive is rage, blame and rationalisation.
The ironic thing is that when we shame others, it hurts us.
If we live by the praise of men, we will die by their criticism.
Vulnerability is not about oversharing either.Vulnerability is not outworking our offence, discomfort or rudeness on others. That is hurt speaking, attention seeking.
Vulnerability is safe because vulnerability has boundaries and is actually a way we can honor the relationship we have with another by showing them the genuineness of ourselves and journey.
A friend is someone who values what’s in the heart of another.When we see people as friends and not objects or targets to shoot down because we are uncomfortable, we have an opportunity for connection.
Coddling people isn’t the answer either.The most compassionate people are the most clear in who they are and what is ok and what is not ok in relationship with them. Compassion is not afraid of struggle. The cross of Jesus showed us this.
SO HOW DO WE RESPOND TO VULNERABILITY?
1.See it as a bid for connection. For connection to happen, vulnerability has to happen. Someone, including leaders, are choosing connection. They are reaching out.
2.Listen. Shakespeare said that ‘The rarest form of love is listening.’ Love doesn’t fix people. Love loves people. Love is sitting with people and not being afraid.When I am afraid, I have infected love. I have chosen something that is inferior.
This is the power of vulnerability, it gives our hearts a voice. It’s ok to say “I don’t know what to say right now, but I am glad to just be here with you.”
3.See vulnerability for what it is, courage. Research is conclusive on this. The most accurate measure of courage is vulnerability. The most courageous thing we can ever do, is own our vulnerability. Whether its in our personal or professional world, to own our vulnerability is the way actually to success. People are looking for real. Are we courageous enough to hold this value for vulnerability in our work culture, our eduction system, our homes?
Courage is contagious.
4.Encourage. Encouragement is a way we put courage into others. Every culture has ideas around encouragement. I have lived in cultures where encouragement is the norm and as a result I have seen people grow, shine and become the best versions of themselves and this is celebrated.
I have been in other cultures where to genuinely encourage someone has been called flattery and met with cynicism.In other cultures the shame mindset is so thick that positive encouragement is totally rejected and ridiculed.
Yet encouragement is what feeds a starved soul ravaged by the harsh ‘i am not enough’ narrative we all encounter. This negativity is hard to flourish in. Dr Caroline Leaf a NeuroScientist says that negativity and unforgiveness literally causes brain damage!
No wonder God has been all over his kids getting out of a negativity mindset! He doesn’t want us to suffer brain damage! He renews our minds because it is the ‘way, the truth, the life’. John 14:6
Encouragement speaks to the greatness in us and reminds us of who we are. This is healing and health! Encouragement gives us a way home to choose better options that are really us.
Finally encouragement kills the number growing social disease of loneliness. It says you are not alone, I SEE YOU!
I remember a time when I was rumbling thru a tough tough moment, and over a period of a year, a spiritual Father who I highly respect, kept saying to me every time he saw me, “I see you.” There was love behind his words. These 3 words created a world that powerfully helped me through.
This is the power of vulnerability, it lets love into the places we need love. But we must be willing to risk being seen!
HOW TO ENCOURAGE?
It begins with the words “I appreciate..” and continues with something specific. The power of encouragement comes in the specific. Being told you are amazing is great, but being told specifically what is great is even more powerful.
Write it in a sms, note, email, paint it, say it and watch their world and confidence light up!
We were made for encouragement because it is where courage comes from! This is the powerful thing about New Testament prophecy. 1 Corinthains 14:3 says “But when someone prophesies, he speaks to encourage people, to build them up and to bring them comfort.”
Wouldn’t this be amazing when courageously we leap out and practice vulnerability, we nourished with encouragement?
Hebrews 3:13 says “But encourage one another DAILY, as long as it is called ‘Today’, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s decietfulness.” Encouragement is a skill. We need to practice it, DAILY. Don’t give up! Keep practicing and be vulnerable, don’t be embarrassed to tell people you are practical encouragement!
The power of encouragement is that I know someone is in my corner and together we can succeed.
So next time someone offers vulnerability out of left field or you see it offered by a person in authority, watch what YOU do with it. Connection is its prize! Listening and encouragement are its opportunities for you! Above all, remember courage just showed up. So can yours!
It had been a stressful evening. Late afternoon meetings, dinner, a phone call, kid shower and a bedtime session that went longer than I expected. I flopped down exhausted.
As I began to decompress from the compact ending to the day, out come a son who needed a bit more time with his parents to chat through some stuff on his mind. I reacted. I was done, done, done and ready to rest.
Communicating with that forced frustrated sigh, I spat back “Bedtime was 8:30, it is well past that, and this consistently happens because of my husband.” I ended my little outburst with that classic eye roll look that wives have such a unique way of perfecting.
Ouch! As soon as the words leapt out, I knew I had just been done in by blame! Oh my gosh we all know that emotion and go to behaviour. Connection was dead in the water. The shame storm kicked into its next level brewing!
Blame.
News, Internet, Social Media, Politics, Business dealings, School interactions, Church cultures are saturated in it and sadly it shows up in our very own homes! Who’s to blame? Who’s at fault?
It seems we have lost our capacity for discomfort, vulnerability, and a simple life reality that somethings just take time. When we loose our capacity to ‘sit in the mess’ as one spiritual mama used to say, and feel the process, we become powerless and played by it.
Blame is the mindset of powerlessness. Blame is when we target others with our pain. Blame has been defined as “a way to offload discomfort and pain”.
When blame is running the show, accountability goes out the window. It is adverse to it and so slowly but dramatically, decline moves in and settles into our once civilised and well defined cultures.
The great casualties are connection, creativity and a capacity for positive change. Entire civilisations and nations have been the victims of this little nasty piece of human emotion and behaviour. World wars have been started on it.
At the heart of blame is really a story of not enough. This was the lie that got Eve and then Adam. Is what God said, enough? Is what God is, enough? And so human connection with its Creator turned on a dime in one fateful moment.
Painfully and sadly I owned and addressed my story of blame and the not ‘enough’s’ that ran with it. All week I had been combatting the myth of vulnerability is weakness and now again another opportunity to bat that out of my ball park.
I sucked it up and vulnerability showed up with a wincing utterance of ownership, quick flush of a red face and a brave heart in the mouth apology.
To my relief, it was courageously met with grace and forgiveness. This is the power of these two architects of connection. They love to put blame in their sights and target it with their full weight.
Needless to say, our son got his much needed space to chat. My shame storm quickly fizzled away and I sunk into that awkward but necessary space of self forgiveness. My story of ‘not enough’ finally arrived tumbling onto the shores of His enough, Jesus the Champion.
I was out riding the other morning. As I rode home, I rode past a group of three council men picking up an enormous amount of rubbish around a building site. The rubbish had blown into the park and down the road.
With their long pick up sticks and plastic bags in hand, they were busy at work making a beautiful difference. As I rode up to them, I was so grateful for what they were doing but also felt for them in the job they were needing to do.
So as I cycled past them, I caught their eyes and said thank you for what they were doing. The first guy whipped his head around with a cautious defending look on his face. The second looked up and seeing the smile on my face relaxed and smiled back.
It hit me again riding off, how much I appreciated their activity and how it nourishes us towards honor, dignity and respect.
But I was also intrigued at how we are becoming conditioned to public interaction being the default place of expecting angry, ticked off people.
We are in one the most dramatic moments of human history, where the weightiness of our words has a far reaching impact like none other of previous generations. There is such a war on our words right now.
Social manners, social discourse is up for grabs, but even more serious than quality of living with one another, is the serious attack on our identities.
In an interview earlier this year, Dr Brene Brown said that from her research, “Participants expressed a growing concern that the only thing that binds us together now is shared fear and disdain, not common humanity, shared trust, respect, or love. People report feeling more afraid to disagree or debate with friends, colleagues and family because of the lack of civility and tolerance.”
Psalm 57:4 quotes Brene in this way, “My soul is among lions: I lie among the sons of men who are set on fire, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.”
Interestingly in Ephesians 6 one of the weapons we are given is the ‘sword of the Spirit’.This sword was an 18” dagger in 61AD when Paul wrote this letter to the people of Ephesus. This dagger was specifically used not only for close combat but for the soldier to dig out arrows that had hit him.
Ever had a sudden pang out of no where felt in your body, especially your back? It can be word arrows hitting you.
And so the words of Proverbs 23:7 echo and play out in our everyday lives, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.”
As sons and daughters of God, our words create worlds. Because we are made in the image of God, when we speak our words, something is created. We see this in Genesis. “Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.” Genesis 1:3
Our entire existence, the world and galaxies around us were spoken into existence. This is the both the nature of God and our nature of whom we are made in.
This is the exciting power of prophecy. It is a spoken word from God, that just birthed something into the realm of men that did not previously exist.
Coupled with this reality, is the reality that our words also carry resurrection power. Romans 8:11 says “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”
When we give the Holy Spirit permission in our lives, we are receiving the Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. We have resurrection power flowing in our DNA that gives life to us. Our words will resurrect things.
Robin Williams said it well in ‘Dead Poets Society’, “No matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the word.”
Some of the most powerful words that are changing the world, are coming fromwhat I call a movement of honor. Pastor Bill Johnson defines honor as celebrating who a person is without stumbling over who they are not.
But honor is also about owning our stories, being willing to live alive to recognise the words which are building these stories and receiving their truth with compassion, not off loading our pain, discomfort and made up stories.
Honor is what big people do. Honor is what free people do. Honor says “we are better than this.” Honor is who we are, not the narratives that shame the ‘master emotion’ as Sociologists call it, speak.
There is a higher standard and invitation being asked of us in this moment of history with all the freedoms of speech and connection at our disposal.
That standard is honor. This standard will stop the war on words and create a new default place, one marked by civility, gratitude, truth, love and above all connection.
The standard begins with us. It begins with us as parents teaching our children, and being this in our workplaces and sporting clubs.
We are honorable because it is who we are. We are honourable not because we base our honor on the actions and behaviours of others. Because we are honourable, we speak words knowing they create worlds.
And by the way, if the sharp pain felt was a word arrow. Pull it out by forgiving the speaker(s) and declare blessing over them in Jesus name.
What do you do when suddenly you are ushered into the room of unexpected change? What do you do when change becomes messy and seems to evoke the ugly in people, including yourself?
What happens when you boldly set out a course and it attracts unwanted judgement and criticism?
What do you do with the cranky driver who waves their judgement at you or the out of sorts teenager who offers a mouthy assessment of your instructions?
These common and not so common moments land on all of us. We are in a season right now we where are being given a multitude of opportunities to practice something other than negativity and judgement.
Judgement paints others with our values. Our values are what shows up when there is conflict, tension and change.
Generosity is something else we can reach for when these moments happen upon us.
Generosity says “At any given moment people really are trying to do the best they can with what they have. Our bests are all different!”
Generosity looks at the situation and the individual and says “What is the most generous interpretation of what another is saying, intending and doing?”
Practicing generosity allows us to operate from the place of compassion and grace. It is jail breaking out of judgement. Socrates stated, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Pain and discomfort will always make itself known. Is that for us to judge or it that for us to bring the courage of compassion and healthy boundaries to?
Courage extends generosity to other people and extends generosity to ourselves. When change, out of sort teenagers and cranky drivers walk over our boundaries, compassion or judgement will show up.
I remember years ago reading in the Old Testament the description of the Temple, the place God chose on earth to dwell in.. His home. Amidst grand descriptions of gold censors, candle stands, altars, huge winged cherubim’s, was a item called the ‘Mercy Seat’. It seemed humble, easy to overlook in the eye distracting dazzle of everything else that made up the most important real estate on earth.
Mercy. What God, the King of the Universe, sits on. The surprising centre piece of His house. This layout and choice of furniture in God’s house screamed the reflection of His heart, mercy triumphs in this house over judgement.
The minute someone’s behaviour or words hurt us or puts us down, the arm wrestle is on! It is hard to be generous! It is hard to slide into that space of saying “They are trying the best they can with what they have.”
It is much easier to reach for judgement. While we do not know that they are in fact trying the best they can with what they have, it is way more fun to assume that. And way more responsible of us.
The alternative to generosity leaves us in self judgement that says, “I don’t want to accept that this person is doing the best they can because it would make me look like a very unkind person the way I have been treating them.”
What will we own? Ourselves or be more distracted at what others are not doing.
The harder thing to do is practice generosity, but it is what courage does. Courage is not afraid of doing hard things because courage will not give itself away to the behaviours and opinions of others. Courage owns itself.
Generosity is what love Himself has always done. God practices perfect generosity!“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see His kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4)
I love the definition of repentance as doing a u turn to return to higher thinking. In the word repent, we see ‘pent’.Pent is attached to the word penthouse and this is a confined space on the roof or top floor of a building.
When we fall from thinking higher thoughts, generous thoughts, the Bible says our minds become “debased.” (Romans 1:29) Debased means to lower in status, esteem, quality and character. It is to reduce the intrinsic value of something or someone.
This is the scary thing about judgement. We decide what is valued and not, and sentence accordingly. When our judgements are around what is wrong with a person, organisation or situation rather than on what God has given them, we reduce them in our mind. Our thinking lowers the status, esteem, quality and character of another andsuffering and negativity results.
We end up not only punishing others but ourselves as well, and being unable to receive what God has given them.
The most courageous thing we can ever do is be generous in the face of tempting judgement. For too long Christianity has been defined by what we see as the problem and not who we see as the answer.
In effect we have worshipped sin and all that is wrong with others and the world, rather than the answer to it. We practiced experiencing not the presence of God but the presence of negativity, condemnation and shame.
When we lift Jesus up and our delight is in God, the answer, this will draw all men. (John 12:32) What are we drawing?
Practicing generosity is our way forward. It will break off judgemental thinking and set us free to show up and be, and remain who we really are.
