Be Boundried But Kind

Funny how our boundaries are rarely celebrated. Gosh they can be hard, sometimes a messy work. I’m not a specialist on them, just a ever learning traveller like most of us!

The thing about boundaries is that we can experience push back, punishment, shaming and even that 2nd most avoided emotion we dread, grief. 

I’ve been pondering lately how why it is common and somewhat “ok” in our society, to punish and shame when boundaries especially new boundaries are communicated. It confronts our entitlement and our other dysfunctions. 


Boundaries define us. They rumble with our identity, whether that is our individual identity, our organisational identity or national identity. 

They are vulnerable because it shows what is really important to us. They reveal what we care about in our heart, and what we value. 

When respect is low and shame and fear is high, the more it seems is the pushback, punishment and shaming. 

We all loose when we loose sight of the worth of the one before us, regardless of their position, history or values. 

This was the thing about Jesus. He never lost sight of our worth nor his! Even when hell’s pushback claimed his life! 

His boundaries around what His Father asked of him and what He loved and valued, were unmoved. 

He showed us it takes courage to show up. But that is the kindest thing we can do to ourselves and to others. 

In a recent study, it was discovered that the most compassionate people, were the most boundried. 

We are actually not being compassionate or loving, when we are not boundried. This is true with our children as much as it is true in our workplace. 

So how are we going to receive the showing up of others boundaries? Can we respect their choices (even when we disagree) or will we shame, manipulate and punish them? 

I can’t help but wonder if Isaiah in Isaiah 60:1 wasn’t appealing to our boundaries when he inspired us to “Arise and shine!” 

Will we show up, rise, shine and be kind by communicating respectfully to others what we really value and what’s important to us (boundaries)?

Feeling a bit stuck or under pressure with boundaries? Learn how to show up by doing our video based e-Course – How to live the Power of Vulnerability. Enrol here